I guess I should really start at the beginning of my story and tell you dear readers how I got to this point in my life. I'm going to apologize for the length in advance but I intend to to give everyone full disclosure and hold nothing back!
I wasn't born with some sort of facial deformity and I definitely wasn't teased as a child because of the way I looked. I would say that on the scale of normal looking people, I was right in the middle.
{thanks for the bowl cut mom}
Then it happened. When I was in grade six and 11 years old, I broke my nose for the first time. You definitely read that right, the FIRST time (more on that later). It happened at school while I was out for recess. The boys started a snowball fight and someone packed some ice into one of the balls and wouldn't you know it, that's the one that decided to smack me dead center in the face (this is probably why they don't let kids throw snowballs anymore)! To be honest, I didn't even know what had happened except for that my face hurt like hell. There didn't even seem to be that drastic of a change to the way I looked at that time.
{starting grade 7 at the all girls school}
I guess I really started to notice the break around my 13th birthday. I looked at all of the pictures taken that day and couldn't believe that was how I looked. "That can't be how my nose actually looks!" I remember thinking when I looked at the pictures from the party.
{the first time my nose became noticable to me}
Now, here's where things get a little tricky. As most of you probably know, my sister is absolutely stunning (Holly from inthefunlane). Growing up with a girl that beautiful would have been rough on my self esteem as it were but coupled with the fact that my nose had been broken, it definitely took a nose dive. I always felt that I was being judged when I stood next to her and that I was considered the "less attractive" sister (it didn't help that I had absolutely no interest in being "girly" or even doing my hair).
Instead of trying to compete with her looks, I decided to seperate myself and go the other direction. While Holly became interested in fashion and popular music, I became interested in skateboarding and punk rock. I figured I couldn't be the pretty one so I'd be the punk rock one. I got some crazy ear piercings and my first tattoo during this period.
{wrist bands and baggy hoodies?! you know I was rocking those}
{at 17 and 18 I thought pink hair was awesome!}
{I even went the Ashlee Simpson route and dyed my hair black when my first
boyfriend dumped me.}
When I was 19, I had another tragic (to me) accident and broke my nose AGAIN. I was working in a bathing suit store with polished cement floors, tripped and landed directly on my face. Not a good feeling, let me tell you! I was devestated but not defeated because soon after that had happened, I found out that I had gotten accepted into art school for graphic art and would be leaving home to go to college in Kelowna, British Columbia (I'm originally from Edmonton, Alberta).
Immediately after moving to BC my spirits were lifted! I realized that I could just be myself and not have to worry about being compared to my sister and her looks since none of my new friends even knew who she was. That feeling really didn't last too long since I was living, studying and working in a city of some of the most beautiful people in this country. Every time I looked in the mirror, all I could see was that one BIG problem. Now, while I did learn to take my mind off of it (I guess it's easy to do when you're in college and spending most of your time partying), I always had this little nagging feeling that that was not how I was meant to look because of my twice broken nose. I soon became the master of facial angles, accessories and silly faces! Anything to distract from my one, HUGE insecurity.
{full disclosure means FULL disclosure}
{fake glasses are super cool}
{here's my nose in all of it's big, broken glory}
{another rare photo that shows my nose from a not so flattering angle}
Now, I've been back in Edmonton for almost 3 years and have settled nicely into the world of reality but have not been able to stop thinking about what I COULD have looked like had my nose not suffered the breaks. I've even gone so far as to often photoshop my pictures to downplay the issue.
A few months ago I finally took the plunge and visited a plastic surgeon here in Edmonton. He came highly recommended and it took me months to even get a consultation! While waiting for him to come in, I looked at his book of "before and afters" and I couldn't believe how amazing some of the results were. After he came into the room and talked about all the (quite obvious) problems with my nose, I almost started to cry. It seems so strange but it actually felt good to have someone acknowledge and validate what I have been feeling for the past 12 years of my life and that it could all be fixed. He told me that my nose was very unique in that it looks completely different from every. single. angle. Yes, you read that right, I have a nose that actually looks different in every picture of me but it can be fixed.
After a few weeks of thinking about this, I realized that this is something I've been wanting for 12 years of my life and if my nose has suffered trauma more than once, I feel that it's a completely justifiable surgery. I called the surgeons office and booked my appointment for September 20th which is fast approaching.
Now, some people will probably read this long and winded blog post and think, wow, she's either really self assorbed, really out to lunch or crazy. Believe me, it wouldn't offend me if you thought that since I've had people tell me all of those things to my face. I realize my nose isn't THAT bad (say, compared to people who've suffered in severe accidents and the like) but it is to me. I'm not trying to come across as "woe is me, my life is so terrible" because my nose has been broken, I'm just trying to be honest about my reasons and intentions for undergoing a fairly serious operation.
Anywho, I've taken out all of my piercings for the operation and let them heal up completely. I'm starting to get really excited but also really nervous. I know my looks wont change drastically and I don't expect to come out of surgery looking like a Hollywood starlet. I just expect to come out and say "Wow, I finally feel like ME!"
If you have any questions or comments about the surgery or any past experiences, I would love for you to share them in the comments! Seriously, like I said, this is all about full disclosure and I want to be able to have a frank and honest conversation about something that (for some reason) is still a bit controversial!
My next update on the nose job will probably early next week after my final appointment with the surgeon before I got under the knife!
Cheers,
PS: Sorry for the length and anything that doesn't make sense... I tend to be a rambler.
Posts
